What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
