google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
