Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
