I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
