Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
