can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
