don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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