it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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