idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
