Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
