Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
