I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
