Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
