yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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