I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
