chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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