i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Congratulations! We have a period
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
