hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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