What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I looked at my own cervix.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
