I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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