I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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