I wish my penis had an off switch
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
