I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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