Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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