I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
