My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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