i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
