Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
