it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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