Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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