She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
