i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
