Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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