I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize