Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
