Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
