I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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