Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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