I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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