Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
