??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
