id be glad to
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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