you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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