It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
