Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
