Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
