So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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