I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
