Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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