she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
