I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
