i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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