you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is the high leading the old right now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
