margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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