Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
