One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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