So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
