thus making me awesome and them whores
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
