Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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