sarcasm needs its own font
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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