On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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