mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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