I'm lost and stupid without you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
