I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
