??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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