You surviving the open bar?
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At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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