Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
