He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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