I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish life had little blips of pornography
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
