he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
