You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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