i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize