She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish there were birth control emojis
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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